sl, can you please STOP confusing me??
i really like you.
i might even love you.
but i can never admit it.
because i can never read you.
sometimes i feel that you almost admit it.  
almost able to tell me the truth. tell me how you feel…about me.
but you never do. you never answer my unasked question.
do you know? do you know that i like you? 
 do you know that i want to know if you like me?
i think i love you.
so tell me. tell me if you love me or not.
because even if your answer is no, 
it’s better than just playing around with both my head, and my heart.

21st April 2012

I'm so sad...

My dad asked me a question just now...

He said "Are you really interested in this course or not?"

And although I mumbled a weak yes...I'm having my doubts...

I am so not part of this family...

I really don't belong with them in any way...

I'm not smart like jie jie and papa, or witty like jie jie and mummy.

Why does she have to be so perfect...??

Always doing everything perfectly.

Sure they complain about her temper, but they're never disappointed with her.

I always make them disappointed.

I know that they would probably be happier if there was never a Sarah Ng.

It's not just that...

Whenever we have our Sunday family lunch, I never feel like I'm actually part of it.

They would laugh and talk, and I would just sit there awkwardly.

And it's not like they never try to include me,

I just never have anything to contribute.

A couple of posts earlier I mentioned that I hate my family...

I don't...I hate being me in this family.

I hate everything about me.

I hate how I can never do things right,

I hate how I always mess SOMETHING up,

I hate how I just never really fit in,

And most of all, I hate how no matter how hard I try it never works.

So now I give up, and just lock myself up in my room...

Oh how attractive...no?

-stress typing, it's my thing-

2012

it's 2012...wow time sure does fly...

is it normal that i feel a little bit sad?

i really miss highschool...

i miss how everything was so easy...

and how everyone was so simple...

it's been over a year since highschool,

and i still don't know how to not try so hard...

feel so pathetic, sooooo unlike life in SBS.

i miss how in highschool, it's easy to tell who's a hypocrite and who's real.

but now, everything is just so messed up...

i can feel myself turning into a horrible human being.

i know when i'm acting like an ass,

and i know when i'm being a hypocrite...

and the worst part is...i'm good at it.

it scares me. i'm scared that one day i'll turn into something i hate.

and somehow...it feels like that day is near...

but i know one thing that hasn't changed,

and God, i hope it never will.

smiles still are, and hopefully will always be,

my special way of getting to know someone...=)

i miss everyone, i miss everything,

and i sure wish i never have to let go...

but i guess i should just face it...
i'm getting older, everything is changing,

and the only thing that will never change are the memories.
♥

3.25

That's my CGPA for my 1st Sem.
My family isn't exactly happy about it though...

Apparently according to them, I SHOULD have done better.

I have to be like my perfect sister, get perfect results, do everything perfectly.

I hate my family.

I don't belong in this family.

I hate that when they look at me...

I don't look like family.

I cried for the first time in a very long time...

And I'm crying again.

Thank God no one reads my blog.

2/11/2011

Just got back from a mamak session with Jian and Jo...=D

It was really fun!

I drove all the way to bukit jalil!! 1st time on highway!! =D

they said i was a horrible driver tho...>.<

So when we reached Bukit Jalil Jian took over the wheels and drove to Al-Barkath.

Met with Joyenn's friend and his friends...

then shisha-ed a bit....Jian paid...hehe ;)

yum cha, chatted, camwhored...xD, then baliked...=/

Jian drove back...dropped Jo home 1st then he drove to my house...=D

he met my babiesss and then he left....=D ahh fun fun....I wanna drive agaaaiiiinn!!!

Gotta practice!!! =D

19/06/11

1st things 1st.

It's Papa's Bday today!!!!!! OMG!!

He's 59 already!! =)

I really love my Dad...he's awesome!

and it's also Mistah Charles Tan's Bday...=)

Love that guy! =D

Also it's father's day so we went for lunch which was sooooo funny!!

But uh...Lets not get into that...lazy syot...xD

Then we came home and cut Papa's Ice-Cream Cake which was like YUM! XD

Jie bought Papa a new phone...still simple basic but can take pictures and has colour...lol

Anywayssss

College started like 2 weeks ago.

It's actually been really fun.

But I'm already swamped with assignments...=/

Which I only JUST finished! pheww...

I really miss my highschool friends. =(

I've made loads of new friends in college tho...

They're great...with an exception of William...

I made up my mind to be pissed at him yday...

but kan...I'm not really good at that...=/

I reeeeeaaaaaally wanna be pissed coz he lied and uh badly at that...

but today I just talked to him...like biasa nii...==

I honestly need a life now tho...

All the friends that I used to go out with,

now they're all...well we don't really hang out anymore =(

I'm still not that close with my college friends so we don't hang out...

not to mention the fact that they all live in PJ and I live in KL =(

I feel so lonely...like I got no friends...=(

Kay...I'm gonna wallow in self pity now...Laters!!

in my head "blaberdiblaberdiblarrrrrrr"

i'm so confused!!...

in my head is a jumble of thoughts...

i honestly feel like i should just whack my head so hard it'll knock out all the confusion...

i miss you and you and you!!

i want him and him and him!!

thts bad and bad and bad.

i think i'm sad.

but idk.

i think i'm happy.

but idk.

how is a girl supposed to feel in a situation like this??