21st April 2012

I'm so sad...

My dad asked me a question just now...

He said "Are you really interested in this course or not?"

And although I mumbled a weak yes...I'm having my doubts...

I am so not part of this family...

I really don't belong with them in any way...

I'm not smart like jie jie and papa, or witty like jie jie and mummy.

Why does she have to be so perfect...??

Always doing everything perfectly.

Sure they complain about her temper, but they're never disappointed with her.

I always make them disappointed.

I know that they would probably be happier if there was never a Sarah Ng.

It's not just that...

Whenever we have our Sunday family lunch, I never feel like I'm actually part of it.

They would laugh and talk, and I would just sit there awkwardly.

And it's not like they never try to include me,

I just never have anything to contribute.

A couple of posts earlier I mentioned that I hate my family...

I don't...I hate being me in this family.

I hate everything about me.

I hate how I can never do things right,

I hate how I always mess SOMETHING up,

I hate how I just never really fit in,

And most of all, I hate how no matter how hard I try it never works.

So now I give up, and just lock myself up in my room...

Oh how attractive...no?

-stress typing, it's my thing-