sl, can you please STOP confusing me??
i really like you.
i might even love you.
but i can never admit it.
because i can never read you.
sometimes i feel that you almost admit it.  
almost able to tell me the truth. tell me how you feel…about me.
but you never do. you never answer my unasked question.
do you know? do you know that i like you? 
 do you know that i want to know if you like me?
i think i love you.
so tell me. tell me if you love me or not.
because even if your answer is no, 
it’s better than just playing around with both my head, and my heart.

21st April 2012

I'm so sad...

My dad asked me a question just now...

He said "Are you really interested in this course or not?"

And although I mumbled a weak yes...I'm having my doubts...

I am so not part of this family...

I really don't belong with them in any way...

I'm not smart like jie jie and papa, or witty like jie jie and mummy.

Why does she have to be so perfect...??

Always doing everything perfectly.

Sure they complain about her temper, but they're never disappointed with her.

I always make them disappointed.

I know that they would probably be happier if there was never a Sarah Ng.

It's not just that...

Whenever we have our Sunday family lunch, I never feel like I'm actually part of it.

They would laugh and talk, and I would just sit there awkwardly.

And it's not like they never try to include me,

I just never have anything to contribute.

A couple of posts earlier I mentioned that I hate my family...

I don't...I hate being me in this family.

I hate everything about me.

I hate how I can never do things right,

I hate how I always mess SOMETHING up,

I hate how I just never really fit in,

And most of all, I hate how no matter how hard I try it never works.

So now I give up, and just lock myself up in my room...

Oh how attractive...no?

-stress typing, it's my thing-

2012

it's 2012...wow time sure does fly...

is it normal that i feel a little bit sad?

i really miss highschool...

i miss how everything was so easy...

and how everyone was so simple...

it's been over a year since highschool,

and i still don't know how to not try so hard...

feel so pathetic, sooooo unlike life in SBS.

i miss how in highschool, it's easy to tell who's a hypocrite and who's real.

but now, everything is just so messed up...

i can feel myself turning into a horrible human being.

i know when i'm acting like an ass,

and i know when i'm being a hypocrite...

and the worst part is...i'm good at it.

it scares me. i'm scared that one day i'll turn into something i hate.

and somehow...it feels like that day is near...

but i know one thing that hasn't changed,

and God, i hope it never will.

smiles still are, and hopefully will always be,

my special way of getting to know someone...=)

i miss everyone, i miss everything,

and i sure wish i never have to let go...

but i guess i should just face it...
i'm getting older, everything is changing,

and the only thing that will never change are the memories.
♥